What the fuck is balance anyway?

You ever get so lost in yourself you forget you’re apart of something larger? It’s such a selfish and non selfish thing to do. I guess the art is finding the balance in the middle of it all. Some days it feels invigorating to know you can exist in this world without absolutely needing someone there to make the days pass by with more meaning. And the other days you beat yourself up for the same feeling. Come on motherfucker learn to socialize better! Again, balance??

At times you wish you could relate to the majority. The constant phone calls and texts from friends and family throughout the days, weeks and months. But I mean honestly that just feels like a huge waste of time. I’m not discrediting the importance of these relationships in any way. I need these people in many ways I can’t always explain. I just need them in a very, very, distant way. My mind wonders if I’m doing this life thing wrong some days.

Do people keep in constant contact because they enjoy the company of others or is it to fill a void? Is it the avoid the space of being alone? I’m asking because for some of us, well for me anyhow its such a foreign feeling. I enjoy the company of myself most. I always have and I feel until I meet my match and begin a family I always will. But even that feels very far from balanced. I need to find the middle ground. The space that allows me to exist just as I am without overthinking my lack of interaction with people.

I can’t help but to wonder if some days I’m just trying to keep up with what I feel is how the majority of people function. But since I am not the majority of people even that viewpoint is very skewed and judgemental. Balance is the key to finding my answer but even that feels so far fetched. Is balance accepting these feelings or is balance finding a way to incorporate more interaction while still maintaining self and solidarity?

Fuck, this thought is a lot more exhausting than I was prepared for it to be and it still leaves me with my question at hand, “What the fuck is balance anyway?”.


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